Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

In Memory

This post may be extraneous, and seem a little self righteous. I'm not sure how to process this information right now.

Tonight I got the news that an old friend from high school took his own life. This is shocking, disturbing, upsetting news. The memories I have of him are the butterflies in my stomach from the time I had a crush on him. Slipping in the baby powder his Pig Pen costume had left all over the stage. Leaping into his arms because I was a Silly Girl and he was Gaston. So many of my high school stories star him, not because we were particularly close--we weren't-- but because we were actively involved in the same things. The Spring Musical every year, the One Acts; he was in Jazz Band with my ex, he was on the soccer team (which was not my high schools pride and joy).
It's hard to believe that this would happen. Suicide is such a horrible thing, and such a difficult thing to deal with. For me, I'm having trouble compartmentalizing this information. We weren't close; we weren't even friends, but I do have a good deal of memories involving him. I filled pages of my diary when thinking of him. So I don't have the tears to cry, although it breaks my heart; but I also don't have the ability to brush it off because "I didn't know him". It's just a really horrible thing that happened, and I wish that something could have changed it.
It is said that suicide is the most selfish thing you could do. You take your own life with disregard to your family and friends, and all the people who know you. But I also recognize that when you're in that state of mind, it seems you have no friends, your family doesn't care about you, and the people who know you don't particularly care for you. It seems like this depression is weighing too heavy for you to be able to lift yourself up and you don't know how to get help. I don't know how he was feeling. I don't know what drove him to the breaking point or how he fell so hard, but I do know that he will be dearly missed, and I wish that something could have changed it.

He was a really funny guy, with a good heart. He was an athlete. He was a brother and a son, probably a nephew and a cousin. He had been a boyfriend, an important person to many. It's really a tragic loss.
Please be praying for him family and friends. I can't even imagine what they must be going through right now.

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