Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Oh God,
What are you doing to me?

Tomorrow would be my anniversary. Three years. If I hadn't done what I thought God was calling me to do by removing a romantic relationship from my life. He's been the best and most reliable person I know since we met three years ago. He's never left my side. He's stood by me through the hardest times.
Then I had this dream. He took me by the hand and knelt on the ground, holding a ring up to me and asking me to marry him. My gut reaction was dread.
That, along with many, many other factors led me to the decision to end our relationship after 2 years and 10 months.
But now, after spending 45 minutes on the phone with him, just "catching up", I've never been more confused about our relationship. Sometimes I think that God is telling me that he has to finish working on us, bringing both of us closer to Him, before he can bring us back together. But if that is true, why don't I want to be with him more?
I'm feeling very conflicted right now.

This was from the summer before we started college. 
You know, I'm getting pretty tired of saying "I don't know."

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