These Nights

Its been a few weeks now that I've had trouble sleeping. Every night, it seems, I go to bed, exhausted and ready just to sleep. Then I toss and turn for hours before I finally fall asleep, and when I do, I sleep for a few hours and wake up with some sort of terrible nightmare. Such has been the cycle of sleep for me. I'm not sure whats going on with me. I just know that I have to figure out how to cope with this. It's exhausting.
On another note, it is now november first! 55 days until christmas everyone, and only one month until ABC Family's 25 Days of Christmas, a very exciting time of the year. Three weeks until thanksgiving, 12 days until  I get to go home for the weekend. So many things to look forward to. However, I first need to get through this week. An essay in spanish, journals in sociology, and I haven't even looked at the syllabus for Nobel Lit. It'll be a week full of work, which is something that I can't say I've done much of this semester. I may actually benefit from dousing myself in work, holing up in the library. i need to find my self discipline, my determination, my motivation. I need to remember what made me run before I became so lazy. I need to kick this laziness.

Also, if anyone happens to read this, I would ask for your prayer requests right now. I haven't had nightmares like this since I was a child. I'm not sure what has brought them on, though I suspect the self exposure to horror movies may have contributed to that (this is exactly what I mean when I speak of self discipline). I'm also just meandering on the brink of failure, I believe, too. Sleeping all the time, missing classes, procrastinating, taking things too personally, and questioning the choices I've made. Prayer would be greatly appreciated.

I hope you all have an easier time of getting to sleep than I have and than I most likely will tonight. Enjoy the beginning of an entirely new month!

October in New England

It goes something like this: two or three weeks ago, close to 90 degrees outside. Last night, snow. Tomorrow night, 3-5 INCHES of SNOW. Ah, new england, no medication is strong enough to your height of bipolarity.
So this weekend is filled with lots of miscellaneousness. First thing tomorrow, I awake to go craft shopping and thrifting with the Sarahs, followed by some crafting (the construction of the invitations for Teebs birthday party) which simply THRILLS me. Then, there is the potential of some homework, as I have about 400 pages to read by next friday. At 5:30 I have a very nerve wracking meeting of a two year old and a three year old. Oh yeah, and their parents. That's right, Ke$h's officially a Gordon College babysitter. And for $30 a week, I have no complaints. So we'll see how that goes, but I'm pumped. I love the children. Then lets see, sunday I have church at the crack of dawn, and then I have studying and homeworking in the library until a reasonable hour to which I shall troll back to my room, across our forsaken campus, and sleep until 7ish on halloween to begin a glorious new week; the one which begins November. I'm very excited.
You see, the closer to november we get, the closer to thanksgiving (which I love), and then the closer to christmas which means a whole month off. Very exciting.
Anyhow, moving on.
The last couple of days have done me in. I'm not sure whats going on with me but I've been feeling quite inexplicably lonely and have slept we-hay-haaaay too much. For example, thursday I set my alarm for 8:45. The next thing I know, it's 11:15 and I have to get up to get ready for class. This morning, I set my alarm for 6:45 and didn't wake up until 9:15. Now, while I always love sleep, I missed two classes today and my guilt is radiating, even though I most likely did not miss anything important. Just the idea that I've gotten to that point that I miss class to sleep. It's just not me. I need to get my life together. Also, I've been really missing Nate the past couple of days. And not just "oh, I wish I had a boyfriend" kind of missing him, but "what if we were actually meant to be together?" kind of missing him. When I start to think that way I remind myself that if I really loved him I wouldn't have feelings for someone else, that I'm just longing for a relationship, that I spend a significant amount of time by myself at school and it gets lonely, and that it was comfortable. Then I remind myself that I don't want a relationship that's built just off of comfort, I don't want to settle, and that love needs to be passionate, abnormal, wonderful (if such a thing exists) to be lasting. Or whatever. I obviously don't know what I'm talking about, completely. I've just been thinking that nate is a really good guy and maybe I threw something away. But no.
So this is my self talk. Just a recap of the past couple of days. Sorry for exposing all of you to that. Oh, lets be real, there's none of you. It's just me who reads this. Oh well.
I hope you all have a magnificent weekend. I may or may not be back here tomorrow. We'll see.

1 am

I have to wake up for a class in 5 and a half hours. Well, that's if I want to get my omelet. Now I'm  weighing my love for those omelets (being that they are the greatest thing that Lane has accomplished...ever) against my absolute adoration of sleep.
Part of the reason I can't sleep is because I keep thinking about the omelet. That's pretty sad, really.
Now, I realize that I don't have any readers. But here's a lullaby in case some insomniac stumbles across this blog.

Creed-Lullaby

Listening to it, I think I may just be a bit sleepier already.