On another note

So I've written quite a bit about the Dominican, but very little about my life. And tonight is one of those nights where it is just plain old necessary to write about my life's goings-on.

I doubt that all of you out there in blogland have heard about my nate-issues, but today I finally confronted them. After nine months of being "maybe yes, maybe no, keep him around just in case", I took a stand against this stagnancy {and against the fool of a heart that I have} and told him that I felt it necessary for us to create a greater amount of distance between us. And by "a greater amount of distance", I mean we aren't talking anymore right now.

And while I feel good about this decision, and I feel like it was the right thing to do, it really does suck. And right now I'm refraining from repeating some of the things he said if only because I think that reiterating them will perpetuate my confusion and my heart-sickness.

How ironic. I initiated the end of the relationship, and I'm the one clinging to what simply isn't there.

But I took care of it, I suppose. Now I have to move on to the next stage of my life, and that is, setting out to start what I intended to start NINE MONTHS AGO. So we're back to square one in regards to spiritual growth, and if any of you feel so inclined, I'd appreciate prayer and any referrals to devotionals, reading plans, any spiritual guidance at all.

Also, I spoke with Chuck. There are no hidden feelings but simply a desire to create distance between him and I so that I'm not relying on him, and he's not relying on me for emotional support, etc.

This has been a week of getting things out in the open. And I must say, it's slowly killing me.

I've accepted the job that I worked at last summer, so I'll spend another unhappy summer at home, simply praying for something else I can do with my time.

So that's where I'm at. A little less than a month until my 20th birthday, which means a little less than a month until I'm done with my sophomore year of college.

Pause.

I'm growing up. How incredibly horrifying.

That's to be dealt with at a later point.

So here's to saturday--praying for a long weekend.