La La La I Have A Paper to Write

La la la la la ten pages and I have not yet begun. And tomorrow night is Elf night and I am very excited. And tonight I have a long evening of procrastinating ahead of me. How will I ever fit this paper-writing in?
Well, okay, write the paper I guess is the best idea. However, the roommate and I are watching SVU {or were watching SVU before she started watching a video about some beagles} and then there's dinner and then theres...probably more SVU and then theres the gym and then maybe I'll consider doing this paper.
Or like...after dinner and until the gym. That sounds a tad bit bettah. Apparently it does not take so long once you get started. Except for one girl who said that it takes a solid six or seven hours, but I choose to not believe her. Because I choose to believe that I can pull this paper out in like... four. If I put my mind to it. Which I fully intend to do.

Oh dear.

The Goods.

Welp, there it is. There's the beautiful roommate in the beautiful fleece. It's christmastime.

Good one, God

If there was ever any debate about whether or not God has an impecable sense of humor, take a magnifying glass to my life and there's your evidence.
Now, I just got out of a relationship. A good one, mind you, so while I'm still harboring feelings for him, they're not negative, and I'm not experiencing any aversion to men or anything like that. So there are two that I find relatively attractive.
Thinking about this, it's weird for me. Never have I been even relatively interested in two guys at the same time. Well I guess "interested in" is too specific a term. In fact, I'm not interested in either, would not expect anything from whatever you might call what this is, but lets call it a crush for now. If I want to feel like a twelve year old.
Any way, yesterday, on my way back from the gym, my roommate and I stopped at the dining hall so we could get milk for our cereal. I'm there in my hideous gym clothes and my frizzy hair and my face with makeup smeared around like paint. And of course, there he is. He who shall go unnamed for sake of anonymity. And what's more, he sees me. Of course he sees me. Because it's funny that he should. So he smiles and waves and I almost melt because I am completely undeserving of his notice, and my wonderful roommate looks at me and basically screams "awwwww that's so presh." Well, thanks Liz. He probably heard you. So good, happens to everyone, right?
Now the second of these two gentlemen has caused me a great deal of anxiety for varied reasons over the past month, and I have been holding something against him for a week now. A grudge of sorts, although I don't really think that I hold grudges. Not legitimate ones. But basically, I've been angry with him for about a week. We won't get into the why of the matter, but there it is.
And today, of course, God decides to play a joke on me. So I'm sitting at dinner, shoving my face with a very messy meal that I constructed myself, I'm a mess of marinara and cheese, and who should come up to me but this young man, who we'll call subject number two. I've mentioned him in a previous post or two. And does he say hello? No, instead he walks up behind me and holds my head in his hand and says "Aww that's so cute! You're so cute!" And kisses me on the top of the head.
First of all: What?
Next: Really?
And my roommate asks him to sit down. Thanks Liz. And now here I am, sitting across from him with marinara sauce practically running down my face while he talks about thanksgiving and what not, and I'm stuttering and stammering, unable to think of the right thing to say {which certainly is not unusual for me} and he's just sitting there, more chipper than usual. Wonderful.
So now, how can you be angry at someone after that? Wish I could be, but I just can't. I guess it's a lesson. When I figure out what kind of lesson, I'll let you know {I probably won't, don't get your hopes up}.

Also, my room smells like garbage.
Enjoy your evening.


Note: I hope you don't find me a blasphemer. I really think God does have a sense of humor, and I'm not bitter about these experiences but find them completely ridiculous, albeit somewhat unfortunate.

Places I Have Been

Oooh, I like this one. I love talking about my travels. Great fun.

Well, I was born in Wyoming and then moved to England, which you may know from my about me {I'm kind of proud of that. How many New Hampshirites can say that?} but I guess that may not really count because I don't really remember either of those places. Actually, I don't remember those places at all. So chronologically, the places I remember:

When I was 5 I flew into Georgia and saw my aunt, uncle, cousins, and Dad, who drove me to Florida to see my Grandparents, stepmom, and little sister. That was the first time I met any of them since I was 2 years old.

When I was 9 I went to visit my dad in the Azores, Portugal.

I was in Terceira, where my Dad was stationed, and I went to Santa Maria for a layover.

When I was 10 I went to New York City for the first time and had all sorts of fun adventures with my mom, stepdad, and older brother. Never will I share those pictures though. It's a tad bit too humiliating.

When I was 11, I guess, I went to North Carolina for the first time, to visit my mom's best friend.

When I was in 7th grade I went to North Carolina again, to visit my dad and my mom's best friend. I was all over that state during that visit. We drove to North Carolina so it was a long 21 hour trip and we drove through a TON of states. 

I think in 7th Grade was the first time we took a ski trip, and we went to Canada. I almost died. NBD.

In 8th Grade I took a wonderful field trip to Washington DC, tons of fun, lots of sights that I saw, my favorites being the Holocaust Museum and the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

I'm pretty sure we went to Canada again in 8th Grade, which was much more fun this time.

In 9th Grade I went to Texas, to visit my dad once again. Went to the Alamo, the Riverwalk, Sea World {I got this close to a dolphin. very cool.}

In 10th grade we went on a trip to Sunapee or Sunday River {I can't remember which} and watched the Patriots finish off a great season with a terrible game. It hurts to think about it.

In 11th Grade I went to Honduras on a missions trip, to Siguatepeque.

It's sort of hard to see, but I think we flew into San Pedro Sula, and then drove to Siguatepeque, where we stayed.

That was one of the best trips of my life, I think. I really enjoyed it.

Then I went back to North Carolina in 11th grade to visit my Dad again, and went to the ocean.

And then in 12th grade my class went to Old Orchard Beach. Haven't traveled much since I started school, but I'm going to the Dominican Republic in March, and possibly New Jersey in January. We'll see.

Oh yeah, guys, I'M GOING TO THE DR! {whoop whoop!}

Feliz lunes!

Things I'm Grateful For

This is the second post in that series of posts I'm doing. So happy monday all, and since it's thanksgiving time you should all be thinking about the wonderful things you're thankful for.
I was supposed to do this last monday but I was in a pretty terrible mood then and I couldn't bring myself to count my blessings. I know, how terrible, but we're playing catch-up now so I may just do two of these posts tonight.
So, things I'm grateful for.

1. My education here at Gordon. It's really a blessing and miracle that I'm here in the first place.
2. My three jobs, all of which are neccessary to my livelihood as I have a spending problem.
3. My familia, I love them all. 
4. My mom, so grateful for her. She's talked me off a ledge many many times.
5. My wonderful friends, all of whom I've gotten to see in the past week. {Well, not all of them, and I did see some that I didn't particularly want to see, but c'est la vie.}
6. My pastor, who happens to care about me more than I thought, or at least is much more capable of fulfilling his pastorly roles than I thought he was.
7. BED TIME. I think I thank God for this every night. "Dear God, thank you for this day, for everything you've given me, for this wonderful bed." Errnight.
8. That I don't really lack anything. Nothing I need, anyway. That's worth being thankful for.
9. For my God. I don't really thank Him for Him very often and I really should. I should also really thank Him more often for his son and that sacrifice he made. 
10. For the challenges in my life. You can't grow if you're never challenged, and I think I've grown a lot in the past few years. Gotta love those obstacles.
11. The support that I get from my family, even when I don't want it and don't ask for it. Sometimes I'm a little self centered I guess {oh gosh, I hope no one's reading this saying "you think?"}
12. The roommate I've been blessed with. A challenge, yes, but a welcome one. Never could I have asked for a roommate more entertaining, more fun, or better fit to what I need. Definitely don't plan on trading her in. 

The list doesn't end there, but that's all the thought I can put into this list right now. Onto the next.

It's that Time of Year Again

And if Elf didn't mark the advent of Christmas, my roommate snoring in her "ugly reindeer fleece" does.
Happy Holidays!

The Final Stretch

It begins tomorrow. Two weeks of classes, one week of finals, and then the semester is over. So I'm back from thanksgiving break.
Looking back at my outburst last monday, I admit it was a bit rash, based mostly off an anxious, vexing afternoon and one snide comment from a friend. It still stings a little, but I guess that's life.
So we begin the final stretch. I've been back for two hours and have started my homework, and am realizing that these next few weeks will be packed. Which I have to say is something I'm looking forward to. This semester has been pretty laid back. Not much work because my schedule was really very relaxed, none of my classes very demanding. Now, I have three books to read, two papers to write, two exams to prepare for, and one set of journal entries to compose within the next few weeks. Finally, I'm feeling like a student.
I actually enjoy doing work, being busy, not having a lot of free time. When I have free time, I waste it. I do very little with myself and am very unproductive, so the next few weeks should give me a feeling of accomplishment. Hopefully it will all go swimmingly.

0 for 2.

take a gun to my gut and pull the trigger, and let the discouragement kill me. The world seems all too keen on this. 

Oh wait, that was too negative. And I complain too much.

Why bother trying to be positive, trying to complain less, trying to be better, act better, say the right thing at the right time, do everything right, when every single time I fail?

That was too negative, too, right?

Because you can't say what you feel, you can only say what people want to hear. Otherwise, they turn it around and use it to hurt you. Great.

Idea!

For the little brother, 10 year old Benjamin, a new idea inspired by a monogram!
A capital B, on one side covered with Legos, on the other side decoupaged with Sheet music.
For the little sister, 14 year old Megan, a similar idea. A capital M decoupaged with famous photos (which I will print off of google images) in the image of polaroids, and on the opposite side decoupaged with sheet music. Hurray, two off my list (and one added to the list).
Ezekial, 10 year old nephew, Down's syndrome, in our custody, what to create for him.

Christmas Gift Crafting Time

Oh I have a myriad of ideas for nearly everyone on my list. But the dilemma is, what do I do for my step dad and my brothers? What does a ten year old boy like? What could I make him? Goodness, all my crafting experience is strictly feminine. But here we are, trying to find something to make, build, sew, paint that would be relevant to a ten year old boy. And a 23 year old boy? I mean, what could I possibly make for him? And then a 52 year old boy? Of all things challenging, this may be the greatest.

Harry Potter and Biblical Imagery?

All right, call me a blasphemer {don't really, that would hurt my feelings} but as I've begun to watch these movies and read these books, its become evident to me that they're packed with all sorts of biblical imagery, and even prove applicable to our lives.
Back ground information? When I was in third or fourth grade, my entire elementary school went to see the first harry potter movie. Every Christian has probably heard the speel, we need to avoid witchcraft and we shouldn't expose ourselves to any such thing. It's demonic and it's evil. So for the past many years {since third or fourth grade} I've avoided Harry Potter like the plague. They played it on the bus on our way to DC and I read and listened to my music the entire time. But coming here, my roommate is a little more than obsessed, my friends are all enamored by Harry Potter and consequently Daniel Radcliffe, and to say the least, I was parading around the outside of the circle. So I gave in, thinking "how can I make this decision for myself unless I experience it for myself?" and what I found was that these movies, as previously stated, are not only not pagan worship, they are also filled with biblical imagery.
For instance, Harry has to die in order for Voldemort to be defeated. Sorry, spoiler's alert if you haven't experienced. Then, how about in the fifth movie when Harry says to Voldemort "you're the weak one." I mean, you could call that spiritual warfare and spiritual weapons. Which is, in itself, a very important lesson to take out of life, and this movie depicted it so clearly. Then the value of love, and how love is the only thing that saved Harry, the way that Harry is fulfillment of prophesy, the list goes on an on. I especially appreciate the Fawkes the Pheonix scene, how he's reborn from his own ashes.

Its fascinating really. I wonder if I could get my mom to have an open mind about this, because it would be nice to share this with her.
I'm only sad that I was exposed to it so late in life.

This evening I watched the fifth movie, The Order of the Pheonix, and while many people seem to dislike it, I absolutely loved it. Very good.

I wanted Harry to marry Hermione, Ron to marry Luna, and Neville to marry Ginny. That would've been ideal. Mostly because I think Harry and Hermione belong together. But that's that.

Tom Richter

He spoke today in chapel, and spoke once last year. Aside from being completely hilarious, he's also really honest, really truthful, and really insightful. If you have half an hour or so, here are a couple of videos that you should take a look at.

I'm feeling rather cerulian ce soir

And mostly cerulian because it's a very nice shade of blue. November is a rather sad month. It's that time when the foliage is gone and all that is left are the skeletons of trees. How sad. For me, however, I can't quite discern the reason for my sadness this evening. Loneliness is probably the perp. Ne'er the less, I'm lying in bed anticipating tomorrows omelets and listening to dear john {tswift}. I hope you all have a wonderful rest. Bon nuit!

People Who Inspire Me:

1. My mom {a lot}
2. Nate, my ex boyfriend and good friend
3. Katie, a good {maybe best} friend from home, who despite many strenuous circumstances, still has a sunny outlook on her present and future life.
4. Elise, another good friend from home who compromised friendships in the name of love, and ended up being right about it. She got her GED and is now working for the military. 20 years old, and a full-fledged adult. Very proud of her.
5. Chris. He's been through more than a person should be through and he's still hanging on, although sometimes just by the skin of his teeth.
6. Chuck, Chris' roommate. He's very optimistic and doesn't let little things get him down.
7. Sybil Coleman, a social work professor here. She's been through a lot too, but she clings to hope and faith in the Lord, and with His grace performs her job better than anyone I've known.
8. Sarah, my old RA. She just has this astounding faith that I really admire
9. Kerstin, her roommate, same reason. Both are really great people who, despite being utterly gorgeous, are very down-to-earth and humble.
10. Laura; she's struggled with a lot of the same things I have, but she doesn't let it control her life. She really gives me hope. 
11. Dilon; he only has one hand but is one of the best baseball players the school has seen.
12. Thia Howard: she's pretty much a walking miracle. After struggling with stage 4 melanoma, she's alive nine or ten years later to talk about it, is in full remission, and is doing remarkably well.
13. Pastor Steve and his wife, who are both struggling with Lyme's disease, but are handling it with grace. 

Sorry to go all Tumblr on you, but...

I stumbled upon this lists of lists to make, and I think I might do one every day or ever week. Actually, every day sounds good. Mondays. {I'm counting today as monday parce-que I have not been to sleep yet.}


Here's the list:

List as many as you can:

1. People who have influenced or inspired you
2. Things you are grateful for
3. Places you have been
4. Places you want to go
5. Books you’ve read
6. Your favorite things – what brings you joy?
7. Good things that happened this week
8. The best things that happened in the last year
9. The best days of your life.
10. The songs for the soundtrack of your life
11. Acts of kindness you’ve committed
12. Things you want your children to know about you
13. Reasons why you love your significant other
14. The high points for your autobiography
15. People who love you
16. The cutest things your kids ever said
17. Everything you would do if money were no object
18. Favorite gifts you’ve ever received
19. Favorite gifts you’ve ever given
20. Occupations that you have ever wanted to have (including when you were a child)
21. The best advice you’ve gotten.
22. The worst advice you’ve gotten.
23. Things you’re procrastinating
24. Ways you calm yourself down when you’re angry.
25. The best ideas you’ve ever had
26. The best projects or organizations you’ve ever been involved with
27. The ways you have grown since your early 20’s
28. The most beautiful things you’ve ever seen
29. The greatest lessons you have learned
30. Life’s lessons that you learned the hard way
31. Things that have made you laugh until you cried
32. Qualities you most admire in others
33. Qualities others most admire in you
34. The elements of an ideal year
35. All the compliments you’ve ever gotten
36. Foods that you have eaten that are so good that others could hear you enjoying them
37. The times you have asserted yourself
38. Things that inspire and energize you
39. The places where you feel completely comfortable to be yourself
40. The most important turning points in your life
41. Times when you looked and felt your absolute best
42. The things you’re good at
43. What you would do with the power of invisibility
44. Things you want to teach your children
45. Things you still want to do in life
46. Bits of trivia that most people don’t know about you
47. The things you love about your body
48. Accomplishments you are most proud of
49. The things you love about your home
50. Who (living or dead) you would invite to your dream dinner party

I'll post my first response in another post. Enjoy!

I just woke up from one of the most disturbing nightmares I've ever experienced. Too messed up to be posted. The last time I looked at the clock it was 10:23, and it is now12:01. It feels as though it should be two or three in the morning, but instead I wake up just over an hour after I fall asleep. And now I'm afraid to go back to sleep. So instead I'm lying here, watching A Knight's Tale {understood to be my bedtime movie} and feeling a little nauseous.
Last night I had a pretty wild dream too, but in an entirely different way.
At the beginning of the dream I was walking through a cake shop in New York City and glancing around at all the wedding cakes on display. Some were huge four of five tiered cakes, but there was a selection of small ones, and as I looked at those cakes, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the display glass. I was decked out in the wedding gown of my dreams and looked like a bride. I recognized that as a sign and bolted out of there, to return to New Hampshire {or New York} and convince my ex to marry me, right then. He agreed without hesitation and together we return to New York City and picked out a small cake and then went to city hall to be married. After presumably doing so, we emerged from the building, he in a tux, and I in my gown, and there was rice flying and we both smiled intensely. Then, fore some reason, there was a photobooth, and we decided to get pictures done. So we climb into the booth and take picture after picture. Then, I go to kiss him, and our lips lock and it's the most incredible kiss of my whole life. I never wanted to let go. I then tell him that I want to do poses {i.e., the proposal, etc.} to which he agrees, and then I tell him that these would be like our save-the-dates, only not the save-the-dates, but the "hey-we-got-married" cards. And then, while I'm sitting there, I wonder if perhaps I'd been too hasty. Perhaps I settled. Perhaps I just got lonely and wanted someone to be with and I knew he wouldn't say no so I chose him, but now if prince charming comes along, I'll be married, because I can't get a divorce. So in the midst of my panic, I wake up, and it's 9:15am, and it's time to get ready for church.
I don't really know what to do with that. All the other dreams that I've had where we get engaged or married, there's no joy, and lots of regret. I'm just not sure. Blech and then I have this terrible nightmare. Goodness.
Well I wish you all sweet dreams. May you all be married to Ben Affleck and Brad Pitt, or what have you. For me, Orlando Bloom, Heath Ledger, or Hugh Grant (don't ask why) would be ideal. I'm going to try to dream about them this time around.

Regardless of what people say, he's my soul mate. Age difference, aside.

His sense of humor and accent are both very attractive.

Heath Ledger, may he rest in peace. He never had the opportunity to know me.

British men have weird names.
Up for class in six and a half hours.

Home Again

I made it back to the (603) and spent last night with my wonderful family (menos Zeke, who was asleep) watching this terribly sad movie and harassing the wonderful dog. Couldn't have been better. Then last night I got to craft (!) and this afternoon I'm going to a football game. Oh the joys of New Hampshire. Sleeping in my own bed was like sleeping in a pile of cloud.
{Disclaimer: I'm not trying to rub your face in the joys of my homelife; it's really just the joy of being home after a few weeks.}
I had lunch with my friend and his twin brother {twinsies!} and he seems to be doing a little better. Yes, he was harassing me and picking on me like no tomorrow, which always means good things in his language. Also, good news, his brother thought I was a senior in college, which almost trumps all those "Oh, I thought you were 13" comments that have been made over the past couple of years. Hurrah, I'm beginning to look my age! Or he's just delusional. Either way, I'm taking it as a compliment.
So here's to a good weekend, I hope you all have one!
<3

On the mental health continuum, here's me.

Stable------------------------Panicky-------------------Mental Breakdown--------//---Me.


I'm on life-altering information overload. Too much. Too much this week. There must be smoking pouring from my facial cavities, because my mind is fried. Thinking clearly is a thing of the past. Enjoying a class, a thing of the past. Stability? You know it. A thing of the past. And I'm being told that I need to learn to handle stress better, and let me tell you: SO FRIGGIN' TRUE. When I'm all grown up and am a social worker, I'll go to intense counseling on a weekly basis and take up crafting to the extreme for cathartic measures. Right now, though, I'm going home, and I'll be away from this place, these people, and cell service until sunday evening. For two days, I'm free. Praise the Lord.

In the mean time, please please please continue praying. My friend is standing at the edge of the precipice, playing with the defined line that is life, another friends grandmother is right there, as well, and things aren't looking up, and my own sanity is at risk for other reasons that shall go undiscussed on a public forum. So yes, prayer.

I'll leave you with some soothing music that I've found greatly appeasing: Vous Êtes mon Coeur by Güngor, I find completely beautiful. I love french, I love this style of music, I love the harmonizing going on here. Basically, wonderful. You are my heart.

Positive Thoughts {le neuf de Novembre, 2011}

Its hard to do this today, as I'm sitting here feeling unbearably overwhelmed, so I'm going to find things that dull that a little bit.
First of all, my friend is doing better this week than he says he was last week, and I'm having lunch with him friday. So that's a solid.
I get to go home on friday, where I'll be out of service for three days, and thus out of the line of fire.
Tomorrow I have a College Bound dinner at my intern's apartment, which I really think will be a lot of fun.  I love the people that I tutor with, and I think I'm on my way to forming some decent relationships.
I went on a Panera date with ms. liz {my roommate} which was really awesome.
I was able to find two books at the library that I think will be good for Mayli.
I discovered the prayer room and went there again today.
It was really nice out today, almost 60 degrees.
Three weeks until thanksgiving break.
My good friend Elise is coming back to the 603 on Sunday night for two weeks, so I'll be able to see her while she's home. It's awesome! I haven't seen her since January, so I'm really looking forward to that.
I only have one class tomorrow and then I have college bound.
Friday is omelet day.

I Will Praise You In This Storm

Praise You In This Storm
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus]

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

[Chorus x2] 

{Psalm 121}

¹ I lift up my eyes to the mountains— 

where does my help come from? 

² My help comes from the LORD, 

the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip— 

he who watches over you will not slumber; 

⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel 

will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The LORD watches over you— 

the LORD is your shade at your right hand; 

⁶ the sun will not harm you by day, 

nor the moon by night.

⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm— 

he will watch over your life; 

⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going 

both now and forevermore.