My dear followers,

Take this with a grain of salt. You are not very chatty and are therefore not a contributing member of the community I have created with this here blog. Due to the lack of your participation, I must euthanize you.

Just Kidding.

But I do love your feedback, so please talk to me. {It gets pretty lonely when your blog is your only friend. again, just kidding. I have other friends.}

So what I said the other day about the 100th post, well that was a lie. I'm pretty disappointed in all of you for not catching it. In fact, it was the 99th post, which would make this the 100th post. So, I repeat, happy 100th post day! Hurray, Melissa, you've done it thus far.

Also, those of you who are friends with me on facebook and have not noticed that I'll not be there anymore come the weekend, please understand that I WILL NOT BE THERE come the weekend. I will instead be dividing my time between this blog, pinterest (yes, please follow me), stumbleupon, online shopping, and other real life activities that exist outside of the four corners of my browser. {quelle suprise!}

Also, I'm writing this to you during my twenty minute break between my third and fourth classes of the day. Which, in college time, is a ton of classes. I came from spanish {no esta divertido.} and I'm about to head to "The Scientific Enterprise", also known as "No. 1 on the List of Reasons to Kill Myself This Semester."

Estoy cansada. Y Tengo hambre. Pero tengo dos horas de clase antes cenar.

On a more positive note, these twenty minutes are kind of nice. I'm sitting in Ken Olsen and looking out the ginormous window at all the people scurrying to class {most of whom are already five minutes late} and watching the wind blow and the sun shine. It's nice. Besides, I'm really a people watcher at heart.

I'm sorry that I've been away from my keyboard for so long, these homeworks have been keeping me busy. But I've been told that absence makes the heart grow stronger, so I'm sure you love me more even now.

Tieneís un día bueno!

Happy Hundredth Post Day!

Which is why it's taken me so long to post. I wanted this post to be special and thrilling and memorable. I don't have much news for you, just a few useful tid bits of information.

I have now reached five followers, the newest of whom being my beautiful aunt!
I have also beautified my blog a bit more. I'm not sure what I think of the new banner, but I tend to be hyper critical of my work. Input?

I'm back and school and in the midst of the first week of the second semester of my sophomore year. My schedule is crazy but I kind of like it that way. And to celebrate the fact that this brand new semester is in full swing, I'm not doing my homework and am instead lying on my bed, writing to you, and watching friends.
And how I missed it.
And I'm justifying it with the fact that I had three classes today... and not much sleep ast night. Or some such logic. If it were wednesday, that would be much more relevant {as I have five hours of classes on wednesdays and fridays}.

But I should say that this semester is shaping up to be astronomically better than spring semester last year. It's lookin up, folks!

The Day Crafting Came to a Close

...well, almost. and just for this break.

I head back to school on tuesday, so tonight I decided to tie up all the loose ends of my crafts so that I could empty space in my trunk for packing space {and so that I had some decorative touches to bring back to l'ecole}.

First pictured is part of my mess and a 

print I made.

Next Pictured is another print I'm in the

process of making.

Third is the Paris poster I had hanging

in my dorm room all semester

It took a beating, so I cut it up

and put it on the old backings of picture

frames. Now it looks pretty sweet.

So for a solid two or three hours my room looked like this:

Which is only slightly worse than it has been for upwards of a week or so. Now, however, due to my motivation to clean and to pack {being that I could not walk through my room without stabbing myself in the foot with something or tripping over something} my room now looks like this:

Which is much cleaner than I could have hoped for. I'm pleased. 

{p.s. in the corner there you see the trunk I painted. Don't believe I've posted about that craft yet.}

What better way to end this break than by crafting my little heart out {and then cleaning it up}?

A Catalog of My Thoughts

First:
I've been spending a lot of time with/talking with Nate and its definitely been a challenge. It doesn't make me forget the reasons we broke up, per se, but it certainly reminds me of what a fantastic person he is. He told me "I don't know what the future holds but I know who holds the future." And how right he is. So when I start to fret about the Nate situation, I remind myself that if we are supposed to be together, we will be together. If we're not, we will not. But no matter what, I know that God has got this whole situation under control, and so it's not something that I need to worry about. It's very comforting.

Second:
I'm very happy that I've been able to find such a friend in Chuck. He's a really good guy. He came to visit me today (drove all the way from Lebanon to Alexandria) and made me friend request all these people. He understands my issues and is encouraging me, which is such a nice feeling.

Third:
Sarah's friend Eli and I have been talking a bit, which has also been very encouraging. I have to quote this, if solely because it is such a boost for my morale. He told me "you're a rock star of a gal" and meant it. I just love that. I want to get it tattooed somewhere (not really. ugh. but it did make me feel...better than I've been feeling.)

Fourth:
I'm very proud of Nathan because he did something very difficult today. I think it made me respect him a little more, too.

Fifth:
I've made leeway with my mom in the Harry Potter category. She even picked the first DVD up at the library for me the other day! I've been watching it for two days. I can't get enough. The end of this movie always makes me a little teary-eyed, when Neville wins the winning ten points for Gryffindor for standing up to his friends. Oh it's just so wonderful. I'm getting a bit emotional just writing about it.

I go back to school on tuesday! I have so much cleaning, packing and socializing to do! Wish me luck!

Got the sad vibes

Probably because I tend to get rather emotional late at night, but I'm kind of in despair about next semester. There are so many things that I want to change, but feel trapped in. Its very frustrating. I try to focus on living one day at a time, but I've always been a future planner. It has, however, screwed me over in the past.
I guess I just think that focusing on the future will help me to prepare myself and be responsible for what might help later on. I don't know. I've got to adopt that La Vida phrase {be here now} or make up my own. I just need to remind myself, I guess. Future planning also makes me a tad bit of a pack rat.
Again, I'm asking for prayer. Actually, just add my name to your prayer list. That'd be wonderful.

Dear readers I hope you have a wonderful evening.
Bon soir!

Myself: Did I give you the mumfs?

Nate: No sir.

Nate: Ohh! You mean Mumford and Sons! Yes I got those.

...

Nate: I'm gonna tell everyone you gave me the mumfs. You whore!!!

Sometimes I don't think other people understand my sense of humor. By gum, I'm funny, even if the rest of you can't see it! But mr. fullerton comprendos my sense of humor and stick us in the same vicinity and we're like frickin sitcom.

A project for the college student

The Finished Project

What do you think? I can't decide whether or not I like it, so I'm ind of bummin. But it is what it is.

Love to hear your opinion.

So today Zeke got pretty sick and my parents left around nine to take him to the hospital. My mom refused to take him to Speare or Lakes Region, both of which are within half an hour of me, and instead opted to drive a solid hour to Dartmouth so that, in case he should need surgery {she worried that his illness was appendicitis}, the doctors would know what they're doing and his whole medical history. Zeke was airlifted to dartmouth only a few hours after he was born, and immediately thereafter had a whole myriad of surgeries and such. He lost weight between the time he was born and his eleventh month. Where he was born at around seven pounds, he weighed six when they brought him in when he was eleven months old. Zeke's got a pretty complicated medical history. He's been doing really well with us, since we got custody of him about three years ago. So I'm really hoping he's okay. I can't get a hold of my parents via cell and I'm not concerned enough to call the hospital, but it's two in the morning and I hate going to sleep in this house by myself so I am fairly concerned. Bleh.

On a significantly happier note, I crafted hardcore today. It was pretty nice. I'm making a laptop sleeve and it will be sooooo pretty when I'm done. It's anthro-inspired so I'm super pumped about it. I fought with the sewing machine a fair amount tonight what with threading and and parts falling off inexplicably and whatnot but what i've got done so far is wicked pretty. Hoo yeah.

I also did a tad bit of online shopping today, and while I'm experiencing a bit of buyer's remorse, I did get things that I needed. A new coat, a new book bag {earrings because I was only $2.80 away from free shipping} so I'm pretty excited about those coming in the mail. HOWEVER, I need to order books this week. Not so much fun.

And I head back to school in nine-ish days.

Here's Zeke {he's wonderful}:

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

{This was the best version I was able to find. If you know a better one, I'd love to hear it.}

Sleepless Nights and Restless Days

Such is my life currently.

Well that's a bit dramatic. I actually do sleep, just very late and so I get up very late. And my days aren't always terribly restless, they're just jam-packed with confusion and hyperactive emotions. I'm trying to figure all this out. Spell it out for myself. I'm combing back through the reasons we broke up back in july, and reevaluating their validity. I'm forcing myself to not settle. Practicing a little bit of self discipline. It's work, but I'm pretty sure that with the inconsistency of my feelings, right now, self discipline is by far worth is hardship.

So I just saw "Sleepless in Seattle" and I must admit that I was expecting a bit more out of it than it was chalked up to be. I'm never as impressed with classics as other people are. Except for "It's a Wonderful Life." That one never gets old. I guess I just appreciate the process of a relationship more than the onset. I find the meeting and whatnot far more unappealing than the fights and makeups and the "next steps" of relationships.
However, watching it with my mom was terrible fun.

Bon soir my dear readers.

Six AM is Way Past My Bedtime

But I was up past four talking to Nate about the girl.

I decided to go to sleep at five.

I went to sleep about six.

I'm very tired, and feeling very gloomy.

Blahhh I don't know whats wrong with me. Last night when I was talking to Nate, I was glad because I was able to talk to him like a friend, not necessarily his ex girlfriend, which was great. I was able to tell him what I was thinking, what I was afraid of for him, that sort of thing. Now whats worrying me is what he is thinking. Oh dear, how stressful.

I'm on an emotional low right now. Sorry for the depressing nature of my posts, lately. Prayer please.

On another note, my brother wrote my mom and I a letter.

I don't know if I've covered anything about my brother. In layman's terms, he screwed my family over many times. Just with stealing and emotional trauma and whatnot. He made my senior year of high school pretty hellish.
Well he's been in prison for the last couple of years on charges that I'm not familiar with, but my stepdad managed to get him into this christian rehab program in Hillborough, NH, and since he's been there, he's started writing all of us letters.
This letter was a profuse apology, and one that was pleading for a relationship with my mom and I.

It makes me anxious, but we'll see what comes of it.

I'm Fine With This

I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.


Well, I'm working on being fine with this. It's like I just lost an option. Like part of me kind of expected us to be together somewhere down the road. That God just needed to give us time to grow and things, but then we'd figure it out and be back together.
So I'm trying to just trust God with this thing. Because he knows what he's doing, right? And if this is what needs to happen, so be it. Still, it sucks a little bit. Regardless of whether it should or not, it sucks.
But I'm Fine.
En.
Be.
Dee.

It is what it is...

And this seems to be the phrase of the year. Its a phrase of submission to circumstances beyond my control. Circumstances such as my ex boyfriend getting a new girl friend. It is what it is. It does, however, take me by a horribly painful surprise.

Now, I know that my right to care is limited. After all, I broke up with him, and what can I expect other than him finding someone else? I guess it's just that I have never seriously considered dating someone else since the break up, and being the one that ended it, I didn't expect him to get over me so quickly.

So basically, this blows.

On a positive note, though, I was given the opportunity of a philanthropic paid internship next summer. I'm absolutely praying that I get it.

Well then

Tomorrow brings coffee with the ex and a stupid doctors appointment {at 9:45am} but I can't sleep on account of my terrible sleeping habits and i'm feeling very anxious right now. And I'm panicing a little bit out of fear that next semester will be like last year's spring semester, and that I will spend an extended amount of time crying in my room or the lounge. Because I feel just straight up awful. So I could really use some prayer guys, but I could also use some advice and/or words of encouragement, if you have them to offer. Please.

Thanks so much.

One of these days, I'll go to bed before 2

But that day is not today.

Two weeks suddenly feels like an incredibly small amount of time. I've got a pile of eyelet trim lying on my bedroom floor in rolls and tangles, and my mind is spinning with ideas for all this fabric.

But as for today, I dropped the ball on my January 1st Post.

Last year in church, Pastor talked about not making resolutions so that we may have our "yes be yes and our no be no" so I'm leaning toward no resolution at all. However, there are a lot of things I'd like to see happen this year.

So a year is 365 days. One down, so 364. For 365 days I Will Try


To keep my GPA at or above the 3.28 it is at right now.

To Live Healthier (physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally).

Be a better steward of my money.

To make amends in my relationship with God.

To look at myself as His creation, and not as my own mistake.


These are things that are going to take a lot of work, so I might as well throw in overcoming laziness and procrastination, too. My classes next semester aren't going to be a breeze, so there'll be a lot of work and a lot of library time. I have a weakness for mozarella sticks, and lane tends to have a pretty limited selection and I loathe going to the gym. I love shopping more than almost anything and I spend money carelessly unless I keep a tight leash on my budget. I've harbored some resentment and doubts about God off and on for a while, but it is something that I need to work on, so that's up there too.
Then there's all my self esteem issues that I'm going to try to let go on so that I can live up to what I'm supposed to be.

Then there's this:

This year, I want to Create. It's my word, if you will, for 2012. {So if the world ends in firey destruction in december, I'm going to be pretty bummed}. But give me crafts, give me arts, give me that Camera that I so desperately want, and beauty will become it.

So those are my goals for this year. Solid?

What are your resolutions? All...four of my readers. {Four followers! How exciting!}

Happy New Year. I hope you have a wonderful first week of the 2012.

How I spent my New Years Eve

Katie and I spent the evening with our best buddies: Ben and Jerry.

Auld Lang Syne

Should auld acquaintance be forgot, 
And never brought to mind? 
Should auld acquaintance be forgot, 
And days of auld lang syne? 
And days of auld lang syne, my dear, 
And days of auld lang syne. 
Should auld acquaintance be forgot, 
And days of auld lang syne? 
We twa hae run aboot the braes 
And pu'd the gowans fine. 
We've wandered mony a weary foot, 
Sin' auld lang syne. 
Sin' auld lang syne, my dear, 
Sin' auld lang syne, 
We've wandered mony a weary foot, 
Sin' auld ang syne. 
We twa hae sported i' the burn, 
From morning sun till dine, 
But seas between us braid hae roared 
Sin' auld lang syne. 
Sin' auld lang syne, my dear, 
Sin' auld lang syne. 
But seas between us braid hae roared 
Sin' auld lang syne. 

And ther's a hand, my trusty friend, 
And gie's a hand o' thine; 
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet, 
For auld lang syne. 
For auld lang syne, my dear, 
For auld lang syne, 
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet, 
For auld lang syne.

Lets see that year recap {2011}

Yes, yes. It's the trend. Let's dive into the past 12 months and see what has happened.


So not to bum you guys out, or anything, but this was a particularly awful year. We will, however, touch on both the positives and negatives, so you don't get suicidal halfway through this post.

{January}
So January came in with no bang. I spent New Years Eve with my bestie, Katie, and skyping Nate as the clock striked 12, and immediately afterward there was a parental argument in the Richardson household. Lame lame lame, you could say. I spent the next couple of weeks at home, working at the hurst and hanging out with Nate and Katie, watching an awful lot of TV, basic break stuff. Then we headed back to school and I began what was to be the worst semester of my life.

But no biggie.

So we started classes and at the beginning of the semester had like a hundred snow days right of the bat. Which was kind of nice. But my roommate and I left each other on rather unhappy terms before winter break, so returning was nerve wracking, to say the least. She had befriended the girl who lived next door to us, and I found her, her roommate, and her suitemate, COMPLETELY intimidating and superior, so while she was a wall away laughing her head off, I was cowering in the confines of my room. I spent a lot of time crying in January.

Then I made an appointment with the counseling center and started going to counseling weekly, so things got a little better. Or, at least bearable for the most part.

{February}
February I started my Job at College Bound, and I fell right in love.

So twice I week I was riding into Lynn to tutor these kids, which was a wonderful experience. 

Then on Valentines Day weekend, I went to Troy, NY, to visit Nate for the weekend. We spent endless hours watching all three Pirates movies and just hanging out. When he dropped me off at the bus station on Valentines day, shipping me back to school, it was like 65 degrees outside. In february. It was super bizarre. So overall, it was a great weekend. 

{March}

So March came and brought spring break with it. I guess this month was a bit better than I remember it being. Sarah's friend Steph came to visit and we all took a trip to the Cheesecake Factory to celebrate spring break's arrival.

So I went back to the 603 and went snowboarding and watched movies and hung out with Nate and Katie and such, and went on birth control for hormonal therapy {because I self-diagnosed myself with PMDD} and then headed back to school.

{April}
And whoever said "in like a lion, out like a lamb" about March was mistaken. It came in like a lion and went out with a snow storm on April fools day. So April was filled with snow, to a point. Nate came to visit and we went traversing about the Wenham woods with Leslie and had a MUCH better visit than we did the last time he came.
OH!
The night we picked him up, we stopped at Marty's donuts at like 2am and there was some sort of fight or something next door, so there were cops everywhere, and as they were driving away, one of them stopped beside the car, where Nate and I were seated in the back seat, and started interrogating us.
It. Was. Terrible.
And then Sarah and everyone came out and she was like "Oh hey, whats going on?" and the cop was outta there. But I was nauseous. It was bad.

And then Sarah came to visit for easter break {she was pretty terrified of the anonymous north that was the shire}. On Good Friday we went up to inspiration point {a big hill with a cross on top} and coming down, she fell and scraped her hands. In the exact places of where Jesus' nails would have been.

Aaand of course it snowed the day before easter. So we watched a ton of movies and ate a ton of gluten-free food, because Sarah still had Celiacs disease then.

And then April was what it was.

{May}
In May I turned 19!

And apart from a variety of small festivities, my birthday proved pretty lame. But Sarah posted about my birthday in student news, and I was given a bouquet of balloons filled with little messages. It was pretty awesome.

But I went home on my birthday and it was rainy and miserable and completely boring.

Then I started my new job a week later {which I was pretty excited about but ended up being me, alone with my thoughts, for 8 hours a day}.

Oh, the world was supposed to end in May, so I spent the alleged last day of the world's existence at my older brother's graduation from Johnson and Wales.

{June}

Nothing particularly wonderful happened in June. I found out that Sarah wasn't going on the Wild Semester and just about everyone I know broke up or had serious relationship issues. I started talking to Austin a lot more about everything going on with him and his girlfriend. I struggled with stuff with Nate in June. And I started going to a counselor in June. That's all I really remember.

{July}

July was a hard month. July 7th was when Nate and I broke up after a lot of my own internal struggles. But we don't really need to touch on those right now. Then I spent a couple of weeks after that feeling like I cut off an arm and was trying to figure out how to function without it. Which was terribly hard. A lot more tears, a lot more burying myself in my room. But the breakup itself was pretty clean. We talked and then changed the subject and just talked about random things. Like the fat squirrels in the park. But mostly, July was no fun.

{August}

Moving along {and running out of steam}, Sarah came to visit again in August. So we dyed our hair {terrible idea, by the way} and watched movies and went swimming...

At Newfound Lake. It was lovely.

... and went to the drive in...

To see Crazy Stupid Love for the second time, and Harry Potter 7.2

And Reunited the Whole Gang.

Left to Right: Chelsea, Liz, Sarah, Me, Leslie. Love my tan line?

And celebrated Sarah's birthday in that way.

And then I saw Nate for the first time since the break up, which was really okay. 

And then I moved back into school! Hurrah!

So began Sophomore year at Gords.

{September}

In september, I started this here blog with my first post e'er. And then started blogging semi-regularly. I got my tat!

 I got rid of my facebook {thank God. Unfortunately, I'm back there now.} And went apple picking with the Sarahs after fort night {which is the night we made a fort, not like... two weeks.}

And I met Liz's very eclectic family, which was amusing and nightmarish at the same time.

{October}

October was quad-break month. I brought the Sarahs home with me for a weekend of pumpkin carving and scary movie watching. 

And then I didn't sleep again for like a month. Still can't look in a mirror at night.

And then we barely celebrated Halloween. We did get an unseasonable heat wave, followed by an unseasonable snow. So it went from being 90 degrees to 40, to thirty and a foot of snow.

{November}
November had thanksgiving and lots of food and LOTS OF SVU! Hurrah! That's pretty much it, really. What a lame-o month.

{December}

Ah, we had finals. We had goodbyes to certain friends. We had christmas! We had crafting. And now, we have New Years Eve. Katie and I are going out tonight! Woohoo!

So there's my year. Sorry about the lengthiness of this post!

Happy New Year!

hiding under the covers

I'm chronically afraid of the dark, so i'm hiding under the covers in my bedroom whilst i write this. I'm watching the Wedding Date, because it's my new bedtime movie, and trying to sleep, but sleep won't come. i've developed such terrible sleeping habits, someone needs to stage an intervention.

happy last day of 2011. this year has just flown right by.

My mom, the next presidential assassin.

So my mom and I went to video choice, and upon checking out, I catch her peering at a news paper. "Ah, Mit Romney {does something positive about something negative}."

And then my mom comments: "I don't like him! We should shoot him!"

Well, mom, you can't say those things aloud. I'll try and hide you when they come looking for you.

Woah Guys

Finished up the project and at 11 last night decided to paint my dresser too. Now they are snazzy matching pieces of furniture. Ohhh yeah.

I'll take a picture and post it when my room is clean and nice looking. I've got a bit of work to do. And as for today, I'm off to get the locks chopped. Have a lovely day. It's the second to last of 2011.