Today Was Like Love

I woke up this morning exhausted, struggled through two classes and a chapel, and as I was falling asleep during naptime around 11:30, I thought to myself, If I'm not sure if I'm okay, does that mean I'm not okay?

Last semester I struggled a lot with depression, and the year before that. Nothing too serious, but enough to confine me to my room most of the time and cry myself to sleep regularly. I had some solid support, my ex boyfriend was so great about it and did his best to help me, and I had a couple of good friends who were there for me to lean on, but it was a really difficult time. Sometimes I would be sitting in chapel and wonder what it would be like to jump off the balcony, or be standing on a bridge and wonder how effective it would be to jump. I don't know if I'd have done anything, but my mom's voice was always going through my head from a time in tenth grade that I was dealing with something similar, telling me "If anything happened to you, I'd have no reason to live."

Lately, things have been hard. No where near as hard as they were last semester, but lonely and sad, and I just don't want things to get to that point again.

I woke up at one and got ready for class, and then afterward I wandered around campus for a while, first going to the dock and realizing that someone was already there, and then scoping out Frost to see if I could locate the prayer room, to no avail at first. So I texted Chuck and then he, being the wonderful guy that he is, excused himself from class to call me and tell me where it was. As if he knew I needed it today. 

So I walk into this room, and the first thing I do is start to cry, because it's all I can do. This room is {first of all} so cozy. It's warm with the perfect lighting and just the right size. And then the walls are covered with drawn pictures and quotes written in crayon everywhere. Everyone talking to God. It was such a beautiful experience, sitting in this room that so many other people had contributed to. 

It seems right that tomorrow is the day of prayer. 

And in honor of the day of prayer, I give you a list of some of my favorite praise and worship songs.

Beautiful Things - {Gungor}
The Stand - {Hillsong}
Oceans from the Rain {Seventh Day Slumber}
Forever Reign {Hillsong}
In Christ Alone {Owl City}
Amazing Because It Is {The Almost}
Praise You In This Storm {Casting Crowns}
How He Loves {David Crowder Band}
Indescribable {Chris Tomlin}
Came To My Rescue {Hillsong}
What Faith Can Do {Kutless}

Also, if any of you, my readers, ever need prayer, feel free to shoot me an email.